My Prince

My darling prince - never failed to put a smile on my face. Love you to bits!

My Prince and his antics

Caught red-handed! He ransacked my bag and dragged out my camera charger. We had a great laugh! Now I know who has been ransacking my bags.

Btw: Check out Prince's new hairdo. 'Stylist' ---> my sister - Prince ended up as the laughing stock for the day.

My Prince

One of the joys of having dogs – you can laugh your heart out when they do things like this - he was practically laying still with his mouth open and staring blankly - for a while I thought he was 'stoned'.

Where did my egg tart go?

I was sitting at the garden enjoying the sunset while savouring every bit of my favorite corn egg tart. Then, my friend Suren came and I can swear that the egg tart was there on the chair before I left my chair momentarily to talk to him at the gate. I was darn sure it was only for a while. It was also strange that Casper didn't bark at Suren although Suren is not a familiar face for Casper. I just dismissed the thought thinking that Suren must have brought in good vibes with him which is to Casper's likings. When I returned to my chair momentarily after Suren left, I saw Casper grinning and looking happy. I thought "oh, no". He stole my favorite egg tart!

Gone!

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, no; looks like I am in trouble"

"I am sorry"

"I am really sorry; it was just too good to resist"

"I promise I will TRY not to steal from you again"

Look at his overwhelmed-with-guilt-expressions. Instead of reprimanding him for stealing, I laughed my heart out and hugged and kissed 'Casper-the-thief', his new nickname and I love him to bits. Now, why wouldn't he be spoiled; I can hear my mum lamenting...

Yummy-licious

This is Casper in his Yummy-licious-moments!

Dear God, please bless my food

Oh Boy, that was delicious!

I am done; can I have one more, pls?

p/s: he didn't finish the whole cup of yogurt; I just gave him some after finising my share :)

A memorial for Benjy

Last weekend, finally completed 'a place for Benjy'. We are missing her so much; this place reminds us that she lives on...

Styrofoam-Photo-Holder

Before

After

On Friday, I decided to make a styrofoam photo holder and place Benjy's enlarged pic on it. I tend to keep some recycled items so that it can be used for my mini-projects. I used the following items for the photo holder:

- Styrofoam board

- Recycled ribbon from a bouquet

- Water color

- Manila cardboard (to be used for the cut-out stars)

- Map pins

- Double-sided tape

- An enlarged picture

The Boys

The Clowns for the day!

Coping with the loss

The nights were the hardest... have been sleeping on the couch in the living hall accompanied by Dolly...hardly slept well for the past 1 week...I still can't get the images out of my mind... and I am still blaming myself...

We can picture Benjy in everything we do and in every corner of the house, and we can vividly imagine her antics. Last Sunday, built a cemetery at our backyard for Benjy. Our neighbour, a good samaritan, helped us out in laying the bricks and cementing it.

There are still few work to do; paint it and place a pic.

I thank all my family members and my colleague, Kavitha for lending me their support and understanding my grief.

Recently, I surfed and found few good websites on how to cope with pet loss; one of it is the International Association of Pet Cemeteries. These websites help me to come into terms with the loss; and it does magically ease some of the pain. The following is an excerpt from the website (http://www.iaopc.com/pageDisplay.jsp?pageid=12986) in which I found solace and in which I can relate my grief to:

We grieve over the death of a pet. This reaction is only natural. Our feelings toward pets are so special that experts have a term for the relationship: the human-companion animal bond.When this bond is severed, the sense of loss can be overwhelming. Society does not offer a grieving pet owner a great deal of sympathy. Even a close friend may comment: .."It's only a dog..." or "she was a pretty cat. What are you going to get now?" Such a reaction would be heartless given the loss of a human friend or family member, and it is generally recognized that a person who has experienced such a loss needs the support of friends and relatives.Psychologists now acknowledge that we need as much support - but get far less - with the loss of a companion animal. Veterinarians realize that their final obligation to their pet patients also involves dealing with the pet owners' grief.

Preparation and learning to cope
The First Stage: Denial

Denial is the initial response of many pet owners when confronted with a pet's terminal condition or sudden death. This rejection seems to be the mind's buffer against a sharp emotional blow.

The Second Stage: Bargaining

This stage is well documented in the human grieving process. Many times, faced with impending death, an individual may "bargain" - offering some condition if the loved one is spared. The hope that a pet might recover can foster reactions like, "If Sam recovers, I'll never skip his regular walk . . . never put him in a kennel when I go on vacation, . . . never. . . "

The Third Stage: Anger

Recognizing anger in the grief process is seldom a problem; dealing with anger however, often is. Anger can be obvious, as in hostility or aggression. On the other hand, anger often turns inward, emerging as guilt. Many veterinarians have heard the classic anger response, "What happened? I thought you had everything under control and now you've killed my dog!" Another standard: "You never really cared about Rover. He was just another fee to you, and I'm the one who has lost my pet!"Such outbursts help relieve immediate, frustrations, though often at the expense of someone else. More commonly, pet owners dwell on the past. The number of "If only . . ." regrets are endless: "If only I hadn't left the dog at my sister's house . . ." "If only I had taken Kitty to the veterinarian a week ago . . ." Whether true or false, such recriminations and fears do little to relieve anger and are not constructive. Here, your veterinarian's support is particularly helpful.

The Fourth Stage: Grief

This is the stage of true sadness. The pet is gone, along with the guilt and anger, and only an emptiness remains. It is now that the support of family and friends is most important and sadly, the most difficult to find. A lack of support prolongs the grief stage. Therefore, the pet owner may want to seek some help from their veterinarian, pet cemeterian, or from a professional counselor. It is normal, and should be acceptable, to display grief when a companion animal dies. It is helpful, too, to recognize that other pet owners have experienced similar strong feelings, and that you are not alone in this feeling of grief. Don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed. Your pain is very real and your loss a heavy one.

The Final Stage: Resolution

All things come to an end - even grieving. As time passes, the sadness evolves into memories of joyful times. And, more often than not, part of the remedy lies in a new pet, a new companion animal to fill the need for a pet in the household. Keep in mind, you're not replacing your beloved friend. Nothing can ever do that. You're filling a very deep void in your heart with new love for a new companion. It's time to complete the healing.

How We Feel

When a pet dies, there is no set ritual to formalize the grief. When services are arranged through a pet cemetery, requests such as a short viewing period for the family and friends, photos and a brief eulogy are not uncommon. Still, the loss of a pet affects our emotions, and all the more so if the pet was an integral part of the family. These feelings usually progress through several stages. Recognizing them can help us cope with the grief we feel.When a pet dies, there is no such social ritual to formalize the grief. To many, a funeral for the family pet would seem eccentric and a formal period of mourning bizarre. Even the immediate family and intimate friends may not fully understand the loss. Still, the loss of a pet affects our emotions, and all the more so if the pet was an integral part of the family. These feelings usually progress through several stages. Recognizing them can help us cope with the grief we feel.

Reading this made me realise that I am not alone and it eased some of my pain. What I have now is Benjy's memories and that in itself is precious. As for Dolly, Casper, and Prince - thanks for making me laugh at your hilarous antics...

BENJY

In Loving Memory of Benjy, our beloved fur-kid (11th July 1996 – 24th February 2008)

Benjy (I call her ‘Molleh’ all the time) has been there during my happiest and saddest moments. She is like my child. She has always been there listening to me. I still remember the day she came into my life – it was magical – and my life was never the same again – she is the most precious gift I have received. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her; she is the prettiest little thing I have ever seen. After she came into our life, everyday was a gift, she made a difference in our lives. She was there with me during my worse break-ups; consoling me when I was crying my heart out – when I feel my whole world tumbling down, she was right next to me sharing my grief and as if telling ‘I am here and I love you’; she would be so sad seeing me crying and immediately I’d feel better after pouring out to her; she listens and empathizes and as if she could feel every emotion in me; she is special in that way; she always brings out the best in me. I remember those days when I was slogging to finish my Masters thesis and I couldn’t come back home for a few months; I missed her the most; she inspired me to complete my thesis in time and I couldn’t wait to dedicate my thesis to her.

Nothing in my life could replace her. I thought she’d be there to share the happy moments during my wedding; like she has always been there for me. She will be, as she is very much alive in my heart. She will continue to live on in my memories of her. And for every accomplishments and journey that I am about to embark, she will always have a special place in my heart and she will be there with me. She will be a part of everything I do. Her spirit lives on in every joyous moments and occasions in our lives.

No amount of consolation can match what she has given me. No amount of joy can match what she has showered on us. No memory is as precious as what she left us with. It’s all coming back to me now; her antics (the way she jumps and spins round and round and round when she gets excited), the way she greets us with her sweet barks when we come back home, her 4 most favorite food (which is: corn, BBQ-ed meat - which is Bakwa, cheese, and fish), her friendly nature (she loves to greet personally each and every visitors who comes to the house), her excitement when we want to bring her for a walk, her impatience (she will bundle up the bathroom rug when she gets impatient if we don’t place water outside the bathroom – she only loves to drink water in that particular bathroom), the way she gazes into my eyes with her beautiful black round eyes, the way she seems to connect with me through her gazes, the way she rushes to drink her favorite milk every night, the way she carries the chicken feet from the backyard to the porch to enjoy her meal in privacy where the other dogs are not around, the way she eats her treats very slowly and steadily making the other dogs wait on her to see if she leaves anything behind for them, the way she squeezes herself in through the grill spacing of the gate to come inside the house, the part where she hates to bathe (she is the most difficult to give a bath to), how she loves her personal space away from the other dogs, and how she loves bigger size male dogs when she wants to mate :-) , and most of all the way she loves us unconditionally.

Today morning, I found my Benjy girl dead at our porch. The sight of her still body is still vivid on my mind. Right now, I am blaming myself for not being right next to her during her final moments. She always sleeps with me every night and I wake up with her every morning, thanking God that she is getting better from her cough. Yesterday was one night when I slept with my sister; and I can still picture Benjy looking at me and waiting for me to go to bed with her that night. She won’t sleep alone. It has become like a ritual for her to wait for me to go to bed and come to sleep with me in my room. Only yesterday was different. I am blaming myself for breaking the routine and for not being there for her during that moment. She might have died due to breathing difficulties. She has been having this cough for quite some time, but I thought she was getting better and prayed that the cough will stop. The night before she was acting strangely and was looking at us trying to say something. But she was fine; she drank milk as usual at night and she has been eating well. Oh God, why wasn’t I there for her. That thought is haunting me; could I have done something to save her? She must have been so afraid and must have wanted us to be near her. Even during her labor pain, she wanted us to be there near her all the time; she hates to be left alone. Oh God, she was alone that night :-( It was my fault. I should have been there for her.

When I was draping her body with a cloth, Dolly reacted very restlessly, wondering why I am covering Benjy with a cloth. We and the dogs (Dolly, Casper, and Prince) bid farewell to our dearest Benjy with a heavy heart. When I laid Benjy in the burial space, Dolly was so restless; it broke our heart even more seeing Dolly. She has been very close to Benjy, being very concerned each time Benjy coughs and has always been there for her. Dolly was sitting right next to the burial space when Benjy was being buried; she was watching every single act. After that, she sat near the burial looking very sadly and also puzzled at the same time on why we left Benjy inside there. Dolly started looking for Benjy all over the house, being so restless. It was a very sad moment.

Benjy left 3 of her offsprings: Dolly, Casper, and Prince; it is consoling to think that they are all part of her. This is my consolation, in writing this blog about my dearest girl; remembering her in every way I can.

I am now staring at the backyard where we buried Benjy. She will be here, as she has always been…

We will miss you, my dear Benjy and we love you very much, always…

Rest in peace, Molleh...

Pics

Some pics taken last week:

My sisters and I

Casper and I

Mi Casper

Prince boy

Casper (pampered to the max!)

Benjy and I

The Gang Chilling Out

These are my four lovely doggies, chilling out after a nice bath in the sunny afternoon. It's definitely a good workout for me bathing the four rascals.

From left: Dolly (the most obedient of the lot), Benjy (camera-shy), Casper (the un-friendly ghost), and Prince (the silent 'killer'). Love them to bits!